Never My Love
by matahari2
Summary: * COMPLETE * AU - Amanda's insecurities abound - can Lee calm her fears?
1. Amanda is uneasy

NEVER MY LOVE by matahari2  
  
Summary: Amanda's insecurities abound - can Lee calm her fears?  
  
Timeframe: Mid-4th season (post-engagement, pre-wedding)  
  
Disclaimer: These great characters are the property of Warner Brothers and Shoot the Moon Productions, they don't belong to me, nor will I get one dime for writing this story. (See author's notes below, for additional disclaimers.) The story, however, is mine. Story to be archived at the SMK Fanfic Archive and at fanfiction.net.  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Feedback: Please!!! Yes!!! (Can I make it any clearer?)  
  
Author's Notes: (1) This is a songfic based on the 1960's hit of the same name, written by Richard Addrisi and Donald Addrisi and as recorded by "The Association". I always loved this song, and it seemed to fit for this story. (2) The story makes references to events and some of the dialogue from the episodes "The First Time" (written by Brad Buckner and Eugenie Ross- Leming), "Stemwinder Part I" (written by George Geiger and Robert W. Gilmer), "The Man Who Died Twice" (written by Cynthia Benjamin) and "Need to Know" (written by Joan Brooker and Nancy Eddo). All rights associated with these episodes belong to the original writers and the production companies. This is a work of fiction written for entertainment purposes only, and no copyright infringement is intended.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Chapter One - Amanda is uneasy  
  
Amanda knew that Lee Stetson loved her. It had taken a long time and an intense crisis for him to admit it to her, but deep down, she knew.  
  
He'd been on the run from the Agency trappers, and had come to her house to say goodbye. And then he'd told her that he'd loved her for a very long time, he was just never ready to... yes, she knew. Then he'd started to leave, and she'd said, "Now wait a minute. You can't just walk into my life, give me a package, tell me to give it to the man in the red hat, tell me that you love me and then walk right back out of my life again!" "No," he'd said, almost inaudibly. And they'd shared a passionate series of kisses before they'd taken off together. Yes. She knew.  
  
So why was she feeling so unsettled just now? Was it Lee's 'mystery marriage' idea? Here they were, head over heels in love, and she couldn't share that joy with anyone, not even her mother. Was that it? Well then, she'd just have to deal with it somehow. She couldn't lay all the blame for that decision on Lee, after all. He'd been all gung-ho about them buying a new house together, with softball games in the back yard, and a place where they could keep horses. Amanda had reined him in and told him they had a lot to talk about before they had the family all moved in, with "2 cats and a porch swing." And then Lee's Vietnamese friend Tranh van Khai's son was kidnapped and his family was in danger. Lee had everyone's best interests at heart, didn't he? Of course he did. 'Get a grip, Amanda', she thought, as she opened the door to the IFF Georgetown foyer.  
  
"Good morning, Mrs. Marston. The word for today is 'cauliflower'."  
  
"Mrs. King," Mrs. Marston nodded over her reading glasses, as she handed Amanda her badge. "Mr. Stetson is upstairs in the Q Bureau. He told me to ask you to go on up there as soon as you came in."  
  
"Yes. Well, thank you, Mrs. Marston," Amanda said, smiling to Mrs. Marston and climbing the stairs to the second floor.  
  
As soon as she started to open the door to their office, Lee met her and swept her into his embrace for a good-morning kiss. Normally, this would have brought a cheery greeting like "Good morning, Sweetheart!", but not today. Lee could sense that she was...tense, distressed? He wasn't sure, so he pulled back slightly and asked, "'Manda, is something wrong? Are you upset or something?"  
  
Amanda placed her hands on his shoulders, stroked his chest and smiled, saying, "Oh, no, Lee. I'm fine. I've just been a little preoccupied, I guess, you know, doing a lot of thinking about all that's happened lately. Everything's fine, really."  
  
He wasn't buying it, not for a minute. He knew...he hoped, Amanda would talk to him when she was ready. But this wasn't like her. For the last several days she'd seemed distant, 'preoccupied', as she'd said. Why did she seem so uneasy? Well, they had work to do...  
  
"All right, if you're sure," Lee said. "Okay, then, I guess we'd better get going. We're meeting with T. P. in Rock Creek Park in 20 minutes. Seems he has some background information for us on a ring of jet-setting jewel thieves."  
  
"Oh really? What's that all about?" she inquired.  
  
As Lee pulled the door to and took her hand, he said, "Let's talk about it on the way over."  
  
They left through the Georgetown foyer and Lee helped Amanda into the low- slung Corvette. Lee proceeded to tell Amanda about their new case. "There have been a series of jewel thefts from several wealthy estates in the South of France, and in Monte Carlo as well. It's been suspected that the jewels are being fenced...sold...in this country."  
  
"Okay. But how is this Agency business? Aren't there, like international crime investigators or something like that?" Amanda asked.  
  
Lee smiled to himself and replied, "Oh, you mean like Interpol? Well yes, there are. But in this case, the estates where these valuable jewels were stolen also happened to be the sites of recent parties where the invited guests included foreign diplomats and highly-placed government officials. There are also some top secret documents that seem to have disappeared at about the same time, so..."  
  
"That's where we come in." Amanda finished for him.  
  
"Right." He turned to her and said, "Well, here we are, and as I see, T. P. is right on time."  
  
As Lee and Amanda strolled across the park hand in hand, T. Percival Aquinas was seated on a park bench, feeding some very insistent pigeons with the leavings of his breakfast muffin. Noticing his friends' arrival, T. P. wiped the crumbs from his hands and rose to greet them. "Bonjour, Mrs. King, how lovely to see you again. Good morning, Lee. Let's walk, shall we?"  
  
As they started down the path, Lee asked, "Well, T. P., what can you tell us about these thefts?"  
  
"I see we're all about business this morning," T.P. said in a mild reproach. Getting on with it, he continued, "Yes, well...you see, there is a possibility that these 'items' are not being passed through the usual channels, but are being shipped to the States hidden in antique music boxes, of all things."  
  
"Music boxes?" Amanda asked, with a puzzled look. "Couldn't those just be sent to a private address? How would we ever find them?"  
  
"That's a perfectly logical question, Mrs. King, but you see, our thieves evidently seek to profit from all the aspects of the enterprise. The music boxes themselves are rare and have a high asking price. So our 'friends' are passing them through some of the high-end auction houses and antique stores in our own back yard, so to speak," T. P. explained. "I'd suggest a walking tour of Georgetown, the area around Wisconsin Avenue and M street...it's a lovely day for it, don't you think?"  
  
"Yes...it certainly is. Thanks, T. P.," Lee responded.  
  
"So long, Lee. Au revoir, Mrs. King," T. P. said in farewell, and continued on his walk.  
  
"'Bye, T. P.," Lee and Amanda said, very nearly in unison. At that, they smiled to each other, then turned around and headed back to the 'Vette.  
  
"Okay, Amanda...it's 10:30 now...what do you say we check out two or three of the stores on Wisconsin Avenue and then find someplace for lunch?" Lee asked.  
  
"Oh sure, yeah, that'll be fine," Amanda answered.  
  
But that's all she said during the drive back to Georgetown. As they neared their first destination, Lee took her hand in his, and stroked the backs of her fingers with his thumb. She gave him a weak smile, but remained silent. This definitely wasn't like her. And while Lee wanted her to open up to him, he didn't want to pressure her. Maybe she'd say something at lunch.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	2. Table for Two

NEVER MY LOVE  
  
by matahari2  
  
Summary/Disclaimer, etc.: See Chapter 1  
  
  
  
Chapter Two – Table for two  
  
Lee and Amanda visited the first three antique stores they found on Wisconsin Avenue, The Curiosity Shop, Victorian Collectibles, and the Georgetown Antique Emporium.  
  
The first shop offered no music boxes at all. The second had a few large music boxes, some of the desktop variety, and others that were set into the cabinets of old Victrola's. The third store specialized in antique clocks and music boxes of all shapes and sizes.  
  
Amanda's eyes lit up when she saw it...a relatively small box, about six inches square. The box featured an intricate design of inlaid wood, and was highly polished. The inside of the box was lined with dark green velvet, and there was a small drawer with a tiny brass pull toward the bottom of the box.  
  
"Oh Lee! It's beautiful, isn't it?" Amanda said, trying to get Lee's attention. He'd spotted a larger box, about ten by twelve by eight inches, and had just started to open its lid.  
  
"What? ...oh yes, yes it is," he responded with a smile. This was the most animated she'd been this morning, and he welcomed the change, and whatever had brought it about.  
  
"Do you know what it reminds me of?" Amanda asked, then answered her own question. "The first time we met. Remember what was in the package that you gave me at the train station?"  
  
Lee looked a little puzzled at first, but then the light dawned. "Oh yeah, right! It was a music box, wasn't it? And it was just about this size. You like this one, do you?" he asked, grinning. "Why don't I ask the shopkeeper to set it aside for us, while we continue to look around...how does that sound?"  
  
He could be so sweet sometimes, it almost made her heart melt. "That sounds wonderful, Sweetheart. I'll just be over here, looking at some of the other boxes, okay?"  
  
Lee took the small box and went to talk to the shopkeeper, while Amanda went to look at the larger rectangular box Lee had just started to open. This box, it turned out, was a sort of a puzzle box, with secret compartments. When you pulled open the lid, you could see a series of what appeared to be smaller boxes inside. And depending on which of these lids you opened, one or more of the drawers fitted into the front of the box would pop open.  
  
When Lee came back, Amanda called to him, "Lee, look at this. I don't know how much of this box you saw before, but do you see what happens when you open this lid inside the top part of the box? This drawer pops out! And if you open this other little box lid, these two drawers open, see?"  
  
"Yes, yes, I see, but, what is it you're trying to tell me, Amanda?" Lee asked, not knowing where she was going with this.  
  
"Well I suppose what I'm trying to tell you, or ask you, is, wouldn't this be an easy place to hide either jewels or documents? And look at the overall depth of the box... it's about eight inches from top to bottom, right?" Amanda started to explain.  
  
"Right...so?" Lee asked. He still hadn't quite caught her drift.  
  
"Okay, it's eight inches, top to bottom. The top of the box to the bottom of the main lid is roughly three quarters of an inch, add about an inch for the first tray just inside of the top of the box, then being generous, let's add an inch and a half each for the three drawers we can see, and all that only adds up to six and a quarter inches. That leaves an inch and three-quarters unaccounted for. Couldn't there be a false bottom or something?"  
  
"Well yes, I suppose there could be, but Amanda, they are not going to leave the boxes with the stolen objects in them, right here on the sales floor." At her dejected look, Lee continued with an indulgent smile, "Amanda, your line of reasoning is right on. It just might be that a box very much like this one was used to transport the stolen goods. It's just not likely that it's this box...that's all. Tell you what. Why don't I go ahead and take care of our purchase, and we'll make plans to come back here and talk with the shopkeeper again after lunch, okay?"  
  
"Okay," she said quietly, giving her full attention to the floor.  
  
Lee paid for Amanda's music box, asked the shopkeeper for his card, and indicated that he and his lady friend might be interested in coming back to the shop later to talk with him about some of the many other music boxes the store offered.  
  
"Ready?" Lee invited, taking Amanda's hand and guiding her out of the shop. "Looks like there's a restaurant just up the street here. Let's walk, okay?"  
  
He took her silence for assent, and they walked into the smallish Wisconsin Avenue Grill. They took their seats in a booth with black leather seats, near the back of the restaurant. The place was dimly lit with oil lamps on each table, and was fairly quiet for the middle of the day.  
  
"Penny for your thoughts." Lee said, trying to break the ice.  
  
"What? Oh, Lee, they're not worth that much," she said, in a weak attempt at humor.  
  
"No, seriously, Amanda. What's the matter?" Lee asked. "I mean, you just haven't seemed like your normal, cheerful self lately, and I just want to know...have I said or done something to upset you?"  
  
She didn't want him to worry, really. "Oh, no, Sweetheart, absolutely not! Please don't think that. No. I guess I'm just being silly, you know. I mean, I know that you love me, it's just that..." Amanda started.  
  
"Just what?!?" Lee interrupted. "Amanda, you know I love you...you can't question that...please!"  
  
"See? That's why I haven't said anything before," Amanda said, her eyes welling up with tears. "Now I've upset you, and that's the last thing I want to do!"  
  
"No, Amanda. I'm okay. Go ahead. What is it that you've been so worried or uneasy about lately?" Lee asked again, trying to calm himself as much as Amanda.  
  
"All right," she continued, "are you sure about this? about us? about me? Wait," she said, holding up her hand to stop him interrupting, "before you answer, please hear me out." Lee nodded silently, so Amanda continued. "I guess I can't help hearing all the 'water cooler' talk and all the jibes from people like Francine, who just can't seem to see us together. I mean, I guess in a way they have a point, you know. We do come from two different worlds...well, two different lifestyles, anyway...and let's just say my romantic experience is a little more limited than yours. I just can't help wondering if you'll get bored with me one day and decide you want to go back to the way things were before we met..."  
  
"Oh, Amanda!" Lee said, his voice choked with emotion. "Before we met, my life was empty and shallow. You're the one who has given me a life, a reason for living. You've supported me and believed in me when no one else I know would have given me the time of day. And since I've finally come to my senses, I've only begun to realize how beautiful and wonderful you are, in so many ways. I love you so much, Amanda. How can I even begin to make you understand how much?"  
  
"I'm sorry, Lee," Amanda said, her face now wet with tears. "I know you love me and I shouldn't let all the talk get to me...it's just that I've heard it so much...and truthfully, when we first met, you didn't want anything to do with me, so I guess it's a little hard to just 'shake it off' and pretend to my self that there's nothing to be afraid of." Apprehensive about his reaction to her explanation, Amanda looked away for a moment.  
  
This was all a little hard for Lee to absorb, especially after he'd just poured out his heart to her. But if Amanda was honest enough to admit her fears to him, he needed to be there for her, and to be honest with her, too.  
  
"That's not technically true, Amanda, you know, that bit about not wanting anything to do with you." Lee said. At her shocked expression, he continued, "Really. I liked you right away. Honest. Truth is, I met this attractive dark-haired young woman at a train station, but her life was so different from mine, it scared me to death. I guess I just didn't know enough about 'real people' to know how to get along with you very well in the beginning. I really do regret the way I acted, Amanda. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"  
  
"Of course I can, Sweetheart. I have already. Really. A long time ago."  
  
Amanda smiled brightly for the first time in days, and took Lee's hand in hers, just as the waiter arrived with their food. Neither of them had much of an appetite...not today. But at least one of Amanda's worries had been laid to rest.  
  
  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	3. The Mystery Box

NEVER MY LOVE  
  
by matahari2  
  
  
  
Chapter Three – The Mystery Box  
  
After lunch, Lee took Amanda's hand and they walked back to the Georgetown Antique Emporium. Lee pulled out the shopkeeper's card. 'Alf Jorgensen, Proprietor', was all it said, other than the name, address and telephone number of the store. Lee smiled to Amanda as he replaced the card in his jacket pocket. "Okay, now, let's have a little talk with Mr. Jorgensen here, and see what he can tell us about your mystery box."  
  
At the time, Mr. Jorgensen was just ringing up the sale of a grandfather clock with an eight-day movement and a solid cherry case. The customers, a well-heeled middle-aged couple, were just giving him delivery instructions as Lee and Amanda approached. "That's correct, Mrs. Stapleton, your clock will be delivered on Thursday, and we will call you that morning to let you know the exact time. Thank you very much, Mr. and Mrs. Stapleton."  
  
"Excuse me, Mr Jorgensen?" Lee began.  
  
"Yes...is there a problem with your music box, Mr. ...?"  
  
"Stetson. No, no, nothing of the kind. We just had a few questions about one of the other music boxes we saw this morning. It's just over this way..." Lee said, directing Mr. Jorgensen's attention to the rectangular music box with the 'secret' compartments.  
  
"Ah yes," Mr. Jorgensen said, "it is an interesting piece of work, isn't it? We just received a small shipment from Paris. This box here and two similar boxes were delivered to the store only yesterday. I would love to show you all three of them. Unfortunately, one of the other two boxes has already been sold. In fact the customer who purchased it will be coming to pick it up later this afternoon."  
  
Flashing a toothy grin at Mr. Jorgensen, Amanda teased, "You don't suppose we could just take a peek at the other two boxes, just to see what they look like? You know, just for fun?"  
  
"Well now, when you put it like that, Mrs. Stetson, I don't know why not," Mr. Jorgensen said, with a twinkle in his eye. He'd assumed a little with the 'Mrs. Stetson', but neither Lee nor Amanda rushed to correct him. "Just follow me," he continued, motioning for them to come along.  
  
Mr. Jorgensen took the two of them to the stock room in the back of the store. There they found two large rectangular boxes, one almost a twin to the box Amanda had investigated earlier. The second box was even larger. It rose to a height of twelve inches, and just as the smaller box had, it looked as though there was room for a false bottom and whatever might lie beneath it. This larger box had a SOLD tag, indicating that it was being held for a Mr. Stanley Parks, of Alexandria, Virginia.  
  
Lee nodded to Amanda, signaling her to keep their friend Mr. Jorgensen occupied while he busied himself with inspecting the larger of the two boxes, and taking down the address for Mr. Parks.  
  
"Oh, Mr. Jorgensen! Aren't these charming. Let me see this one. Let's see what happens when I open the lid here..." she rambled for effect, carefully positioning herself directly between Mr. Jorgensen and Lee's activities. "Oh!" she shouted in mock surprise, when the top drawer popped out. "Wouldn't a child have a lot of fun with one of these?"  
  
"I suppose so, Mrs. Stetson, but you see, these boxes are not toys. They are really intended for storing, and yes, sometimes hiding, fine jewelry. The musical movement is also delicate, and not something to be played with, I'm afraid," Mr. Jorgensen instructed.  
  
"Oh, no, of course not!" Amanda exclaimed. "It's just fascinating, that's all, I mean, with all the little surprises and all."  
  
Just then, Lee indicated to Amanda that he was finished with the larger box. Just as Mr. Jorgensen started to point it out to them, Lee said, "You know, Darling, I don't think you would have really liked that bigger box. It simply wouldn't fit in at our house at all. Why don't we leave Mr. Jorgensen to his paying customers." Then, to Jorgensen, "We have your card, and we live in the area. We'll stop in again some time. Good day!" he shouted back over his shoulder, as he spun Amanda around and guided her out of the store.  
  
"Lee! What was that all about? Did you find out something about the buyer?" Amanda asked, all in a rush.  
  
Lee took her hand and helped her into the silver Corvette before answering. "All I really got was a name, Stanley Parks, which may or may not be his real name, and an address in Alexandria which could also be bogus, for all we know. I think we'll need to watch the store for awhile. After all, Jorgensen did say the customer would be coming to pick up the box today, right? So let's just keep our eyes open, and if we see him coming out with our mystery box, we'll follow him, and see where he leads us."  
  
"Okay, " she said, twisting to face him, "fine," she finished, with a sweet smile.  
  
Lee grinned and kissed her hand, saying, "Say, Amanda, you were pretty good back there. I remember you telling me once, you could still flirt pretty well when you wanted to...you can be awfully cute, too, you know that?" he said, and gave her a soft kiss on the lips. "Uh-oh. See that black limo pulling up in front of the store? Could be our man. But we WILL continue this 'discussion' later," Lee stated, with a wink.  
  
"Promise?" she grinned.  
  
"You bet," he replied. Then they both turned their attention to the storefront.  
  
In about five minutes, the man claiming to be Stanley Parks emerged from the antique store bearing a box of approximately the same size as the one Lee had inspected in the stockroom. Lee managed to click off a few snapshots of Mr. Parks and his box before the man returned to the back seat of the limousine. As inconspicuously as they could, Lee and Amanda followed Mr. Parks to the Alexandria address that had been printed on the sales slip. Lee drove the Corvette around the corner and parked. The first order of business was to phone their Section Chief, Billy Melrose, and bring him up to date.  
  
"Billy, Scarecrow here. We've been checking out the Georgetown antique shops, for imported music boxes...yeah, that's right, I said music boxes. It seems that's how the documents and jewels were to be transported. Anyway, we followed the guy who had ordered this particular music box from someone in Paris. He brought the box here to Alexandria, 505 Columbus Street. The name he gave the store is Stanley Parks, right, 'P – A – R – K – S'. ...Yeah, I got some shots of him coming out of the store. Okay, we'll come back in, then."  
  
Crestfallen, Amanda said, "What?!? We're going back to the Agency?"  
  
"That's right, Amanda. See, without a solid ID for this Parks guy, we can't get very far on the investigation," Lee explained. "At least we know where he and the box are right now. We'll send a team out here once we find out for sure who we're dealing with. Meanwhile, I need to get these photos to the lab."  
  
An hour and a half later, in Billy Melrose's office, Billy, Lee and Amanda were looking at the photos, along with a dossier for Stefan Pascal, of Strasbourg, France, in the region of Alsace-Lorraine, near the German border.  
  
Billy Melrose read from the dossier, "...For the past five years, Stefan Pascal has been a frequent traveler between the South of France and the eastern United States. The latest information we have is that Monsieur Pascal has been well connected in the trade of stolen jewels. Government secrets, however, are a new venture."  
  
"All right, Billy, so that tells us that Pascal is not the end of the line, correct?" Lee asked.  
  
"Right, Scarecrow," Billy answered. "He probably has a regular connection for fencing the jewels, which we can trace easily enough, but we still have to find out what the documents are, and who's interested in buying them. Look...you two have done enough for today. I'll get a surveillance team out to Alexandria, and we'll keep a tail on Mr. Pascal, wherever he goes."  
  
"Okay, Billy, see you later," Lee said.  
  
Amanda added, "Good night, Sir.", and the two of them headed out through the bullpen.  
  
As the pair covered the distance to the closet-elevator, Lee had taken Amanda's hand in his without a thought about all the pairs of eyes that might be watching.  
  
When they passed the entrance to the crosswise corridor, Amanda heard female voices giggling, one of them saying, "How long do you figure it'll be before Scarecrow's back on the market?" The other voice replied, "I don't know...I give it maybe a week!" "Yeah...Tawny in payroll told me she wouldn't mind takin' a crack at him...and I told her, take a number and get in line!"  
  
Almost immediately, the light in Amanda's eyes went dark, and she sighed heavily.  
  
Lee couldn't help noticing her sudden change in mood, and he turned to face her, tipping her chin up with his finger. Quietly, he said, "Hey...are you okay? 'Manda, please don't listen to them, don't let them get to you. Remember, like I've told you before...that may be how I was in the past...before we finally expressed our feelings to each other. But it is all history now."  
  
He could barely hear her as she answered with a little nod, "I know, I know." She paused for another sigh and continued, her eyes full of tears, "At least in my head, I know, Lee, but my heart has a little harder time with all this, you know?"  
  
Right at that moment, the elevator doors opened, revealing a grinning Francine Desmond. She could readily see the scene before her was not one to be intruded upon, what with Amanda's tear-stained face and Lee's look of, what was it, shame? guilt? So for once the tart-tongued blonde didn't say anything but, "Excuse me," as she hurried past them toward the bullpen.  
  
As the elevator doors closed, Lee took a firm grip on Amanda's hand and whispered, "Yeah...I guess I do know, and God! I am more sorry than you could possibly know, that my past history could hurt you like this." At this point, he looked upward, trying to avoid spilling his own tears.  
  
"Oh, Lee..." Amanda whispered. "I'm sorry, I..."  
  
Shaking his head, Lee cut in, "Oh, no, Amanda, I think I've already earned the blue ribbon in that category!" ...at which point, the elevator doors opened onto the Georgetown foyer.  
  
Mrs. Marston had only just heard Scarecrow's last statement, and she didn't have a chance to adjust her eyebrows downward before they arrived at her desk and handed in their badges. "Good night, Mr. Stetson, Mrs. King," she nodded to each of them in turn.  
  
After exiting the building, in an effort to ease the tension, Lee said, "So Amanda, do you have any plans for this evening...you know, with your mother or the boys?"  
  
Amanda was taken aback a little by his abrupt shift, but she attempted a mood shift of her own, and with a half-smile, she answered, "Well, no, nothing urgent. I mean, I'm working on a costume for Jamie's school play, but he doesn't need it until at least next Monday, and Phillip's basketball practice isn't until tomorrow night. I already had their supper ready to go, and Mother won't mind taking care of that, I'm sure." She turned to face him, with her back leaning against the Wagoneer. "Why do you ask?"  
  
"I just thought maybe...would you like to come by the apartment for awhile, you know, maybe get some take-out Chinese food, and relax, just spend a little 'quality' time together? What do you say?" he asked.  
  
Asked? It was more like begging, really, and with that sad, puppy-dog face he'd shown her, how could she say no? "All right, that'd be fine...I'll see you in about ten minutes, then," she said, forcing a small smile as she climbed into her jeep.  
  
He watched as she started down the street. He loved her more than he'd ever thought it was possible to love anyone, and he knew he'd have to find a way to prove to her that she could trust him. And he had ten minutes.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	4. Ghosts of the Past

NEVER MY LOVE  
  
by matahari2  
  
  
  
Chapter Four – Ghosts of the Past  
  
Lee phoned in the order to the Chinese restaurant and started to drive toward his neighborhood, with his hands tapping nervously on the steering wheel. His eyes scanned the shop windows until he spotted it...a 'Music 'n' More' store...the kind that carried a wide range of music, new and old. He kept thinking of a song that he'd just heard a day or two before on one of those soft rock radio stations...he thought it might have been recorded by The Association, back in the late sixties. He found the 'oldies' area with no trouble, and started looking through the 'A' section..."yeah, that's the one...The Association's Greatest Hits" he thought, "right, here it is...'Never My Love'...maybe this will help." He hurried to pay for his purchase and to pick up dinner. The clock was ticking.  
  
"Hi, stranger! Did you get lost, or what?" Amanda started to say, almost teasing.  
  
"Hi, yourself, and no, I didn't get lost," Lee answered, as he unlocked the door and ushered her into his apartment. "I'm sorry, Amanda, I just remembered an extra little errand that was right on the way. I guess it took a little longer than I expected. Anyway, dinner is served, Madame!" he announced, as he unceremoniously dropped the three large white bags on his kitchen counter.  
  
Amanda busied herself putting out plates, silverware and napkins in the dining room. She didn't even seem to notice when Lee brushed past her to carry a small bag into his bedroom. When he came back into the dining room after shedding his suit coat and tie, the food was already set out on the table, and Amanda had picked up the phone in the living room and was talking to her mother.  
  
"Yes, Mother, the roast with potatoes and carrots should be just about ready. If you could take care of the boys' dinner, and make sure Phillip does his math homework, and they both get to bed on time...thank you, Mother. No, I don't know exactly how long we'll...I'll...be. Sometimes these things go on for hours, so there's no need for you to wait up. All right, Mother, yes, I'll tell him you said 'hello'. Good night, Mother!" Amanda said finally, hanging up the phone. "Mmmph! I love my mother, I really do, Lee, but sometimes..."  
  
"Yeah," he said softly, smiling. "Shall we?" he asked, taking her hand and guiding her back to the dining room.  
  
They were both a little hungry, since they'd given so little of their lunch- time attention to the subject of food. So both of them made an effort to keep the table conversation light. Lee told Amanda a string of convoluted stories, meant more to entertain than to educate, and Amanda told him about the crush Phillip currently had on a new girl at school. "...and Jamie gives him no end of grief over it...he's having way too much fun teasing his brother, if you ask me!" It was good for both of them, to laugh and to simply enjoy each other's company.  
  
Just as they were picking up the dishes and taking them back to the kitchen, Lee's phone rang. Amanda looked toward the phone, as if to say, "Aren't you going to answer it?"  
  
But Lee didn't favor any interruptions this evening, so he said, "Ahhh, let's just let the machine get it. I'll pick it up later, " as he slid his hands around to the front of Amanda's waist and started to kiss her neck.  
  
Then they heard it...the chirpy female voice dripping with Dixie charm, saying, "Lee, Darlin', this is Cindi...Cindi MacFarland? Listen, Sugar, I'm back in town for the first time in ages, and I would just love to see you, and rekindle the ol' flame, if you know what I..." , but that was all they heard, as Lee rushed in to punch the button to delete the message. 'Damn!' he thought, 'can't I get a break here?'  
  
Amanda had stiffened at the sound of the woman's voice, and her face had paled visibly. "Cindi with an 'i'?" she asked, through gritted teeth, as she walked over toward the fireplace, turning her back to him.  
  
"Amanda! You know I wasn't expecting that call...." Lee said, pleading with her to trust him. "But that's it. Tomorrow, I'm getting a new phone number, unlisted." He had to fix this, somehow.  
  
She turned back to face him, saying, "That won't change anything, Lee. And the Agency still has to be able to reach you, and you have to have a secure phone line. What if one of your 'family' would need to contact you? No. I guess I just have to face facts. All these 'Ghosts of Lee Stetson Past' aren't going away any time soon." Again, she held up her hands to keep him from speaking. "And don't tell me you're sorry...I know that already, and I know you don't want to hurt me...it's just so hard," Amanda said, barely able to get the words past the painful lump in her throat.  
  
At a loss for words, Lee walked over to stand face to face with Amanda. He placed his hands on her arms, and gently rubbed them, since he had sensed rightly that she might not accept a full-on embrace at this fragile moment. Then, in a quiet voice, he said, "Just wait right here, okay? I have something for you."  
  
Amanda was a little surprised when she saw Lee returning from his bedroom, carrying the music box he'd bought for her earlier in the day. "My music box?" she said, wiping some of the tears from her cheek, as Lee handed the gift to her. "Thank you, Lee, this is very sweet, but I already knew about..."  
  
Lee interjected, "Just open it, Amanda, all right?"  
  
"O-kay..." she said as she carefully lifted the lid. Nestled in the dark green velvet, she saw a pair of heart-shaped diamond earrings. "Oh, Lee! They're beautiful! Oh, thank you, Sweetheart!" she said, kissing him on the cheek.  
  
He gave her a hesitant smile. And then she noticed it...a small, rectangular package. "What's this?" she asked, puzzled.  
  
"Here, Amanda, you go ahead and open it, and I'll just put your music box here on the mantel," he said, waiting for her reaction.  
  
She tore open the wrapping paper, and saw a cassette tape, shrink-wrapped in plastic. "A cassette? You got me a cassette?" She was surprised, to say the least, but all right, she'd play along. He was doing the best he could. "Okay, let's see, 'The Association's Greatest Hits', yeah, I think I remember them, from the late sixties, right? Oh my gosh, Lee, 'Cherish'...I always used to like that one...'Along Comes Mary' ...never could quite figure that one out, 'Never My Love'...that was a good song, too, wish I could remember the words..."  
  
"All right, why don't we just listen to it?" Lee asked, with an unexpected sense of urgency. "You just come on over to the couch and have a seat, and I'll start the tape."  
  
"Okay," she said softly, and moved to the couch. In just a moment, Lee was seated beside her, his arm draped across her shoulders. She reached up to touch his hand on her shoulder, just as the music started...  
  
You ask me if there'll come a time  
  
When I grow tired of you.  
  
Never my love, Never my love.  
  
You wonder if this heart of mine  
  
Will lose its desire for you.  
  
Never my love, Never my love.  
  
What makes you think love will end  
  
When you know that my whole  
  
life depends on you...  
  
Never my love, Never my love.  
  
You say you fear I'll change my mind  
  
And I won't require you...  
  
Never my love, Never my love.  
  
How can you think love will end  
  
When I've asked you to  
  
spend your whole life with me?  
  
  
  
She rested her head on his shoulder and whispered, "Lee, I love you so much..."  
  
"Amanda, I mean every word... it always seems so hard for me to put these feelings into words," he said, gently stroking her hair. "But I really want you to believe me, you are the only one for me, and no one could ever take your place in my heart."  
  
"Oh Lee..." she started, but he stopped her speech with his kiss, gentle and sweet. Their kissing increased in intensity, until they were breathless, and both of them pulled back and smiled.  
  
"I don't know Lee, I'd say you're getting pretty good at expressing yourself!" Amanda said with a little chuckle and a twinkle in her eyes. He couldn't help chuckling right along with her. 'Best $7.98 I ever spent', he thought to himself.  
  
Just then, Amanda looked at her watch and said, "Oh my gosh, Lee. I'd better be getting home...I mean, I get enough questions from Mother when I get home before midnight. If I don't get home pretty soon, I'll never hear the end of it," she said, rising from the couch.  
  
Lee stood up and took her hand, saying, "I know, 'Manda, but I sure do wish you could stay."  
  
"One of these days, Sweetheart..." she smiled to him. "one of these days!"  
  
"Don't forget your presents...here," he said, handing her the music box and placing the cassette back in its hiding place. "Let me walk you to your car."  
  
Lee helped Amanda into the jeep and handed her the music box with its hidden treasures. They kissed goodnight, and Amanda started her drive back to Arlington.  
  
There would be plenty of work tomorrow, but work would keep. The two of them had come a long way in just a few hours tonight. Yes, they had desperately needed this night.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED 


	5. Going Forward

NEVER MY LOVE  
  
by matahari2  
  
Chapter Five – Going Forward  
  
  
  
At 9:30 a.m., Amanda King walked into the IFF Georgetown foyer with a decided spring in her step, and a glowing smile on her face when she greeted the often-stern receptionist. "Good morning, Mrs. Marston! It's a beautiful day, isn't it? The word for today is 'calico'."  
  
"Morning, Mrs. King," Mrs. Marston answered, handing Amanda her badge. The older woman was secretly glad to see Mrs. King looking so happy, but of course, she had to keep up her cover.  
  
Down on the third underground level, as Amanda entered the bullpen, Lee Stetson was just emerging from Billy Melrose's office. When he saw her smiling face, he smiled, too. "Morning, Amanda..."  
  
"Hi, Sw...Lee," she greeted him. "What's happening? Do we have some news about Pascal?"  
  
"You guessed it," Lee replied, taking her elbow and leading her out of the bullpen and back toward the elevator. "Pascal's been busy. Our guys followed him to a pawn shop at Wisconsin Avenue and Westmoreland...they figure he's either already fenced the jewels through them or negotiated their deal, and he'll be back later. Then he went out to a large estate in Montgomery County, along Woodland Road. He's been there for about fifteen minutes."  
  
"So, is that where we're going, over to Montgomery County?" Amanda inquired.  
  
"Right again, " he said with a grin, "and you'll never guess who lives at 1500 Woodland Road."  
  
As the elevator doors opened and Lee pushed the coats aside for them to enter, Amanda chuckled and said, "Someone from our checkered past? Awww, c'mon, Lee, give me a hint!"  
  
"Okay..." Lee gave in, but, having way too much fun with this, he continued, "Well, it had something to do with 'dangerous hairdryers', as I recall, and you managed to slow him down with a can of hairspray..."  
  
"NO!" she practically shouted. "Not Bobby Bouchard, of Connie Beth Cosmetics! I know that was over three years ago, Lee, but, that's not a very long time. I thought he was supposed to be in jail for a lot of years yet."  
  
The elevator doors opened and they dropped their badges off at the receptionist's desk. Carelessly, Lee took her hand in his, in plain sight of Mrs. Marston, as he responded to Amanda's question. "Yeah. You're right, he should be in jail. We should have thrown away the key, for all the deaths he caused in Central America with his gun running. But unfortunately, Amanda, District Attorneys and U. S. Attorneys are politicians. And deal-making is their stock in trade. Evidently it suited someone's purpose to have him serve a shorter sentence."  
  
"I understand that it happens, but that doesn't make it right, " she said. "Okay, then. We're after Bouchard, right? But what about the pawn shop and the jewels, and what about Mr. Jorgensen? He seems like such a nice man...I sure hope he's not involved in all this."  
  
She was always concerned for the innocents, or at least those she hoped were innocent. Lee had to admire her for that. He smiled and answered, "Well, there's another Agency team questioning Jack Robertson, the proprietor of the Westmoreland Pawn Shop, to see about his dealings with Pascal. And Francine left just a little while ago to go and talk to Jorgensen about the delivery of the boxes. And no, I don't think he's involved. I can't believe he would have been so open with us, showing us the other two boxes in the stockroom, if he thought he'd get into trouble for it."  
  
"Good. I'm glad," she said, relieved that Lee didn't suspect the antique dealer. "Oh, Lee, look, here's Woodland Road coming up on the right..."  
  
By the time Lee pulled the silver Corvette up the circular drive and under the portico, the Agency team had neutralized and arrested all of Bouchard's guards who had been stationed on the perimeter of the property. As near as they were able to tell, only Pascal, Bouchard, and the housekeeping staff were inside.  
  
Lee motioned to agents Fred Fielder and Frank Duffy to cover the service entrance near the back of the house. For about two seconds, he thought about asking Amanda to stay in the car, but he didn't need an argument today, and surprisingly enough, she made no move to follow him as he walked up to the front entrance. Large floor-to-ceiling windows flanked the sides of the massive carved wood double doors, so it was easy to see that there was no one in the foyer or the large dining room just to the right of the doorway. Lee picked the lock, and entered silently.  
  
Daylight was seeping under a door near the back of the foyer, and Lee could see shadows flitting through that light. As he neared the room, he could hear voices, two, he thought, one with a French accent...that would be Pascal...and one, higher pitched, fading British accent...yeah, that was Bouchard, all right. Just at that moment, Frank Duffy was coming down the hallway from the kitchen, giving Lee a sign that the housekeeping staff had been evacuated. Lee nodded at Duffy and pointed with his thumb toward what appeared to be Bouchard's office.  
  
Lee tried the door handle, as quietly as possible. Locked. 'Terrific!' he thought. He and Frank Duffy kicked in the door, and entered with guns lifted, ready to fire. Good thing. Bobby Bouchard had one, too.  
  
"Federal Agents!" Lee shouted, lifting his badge with his free hand. "Just so we take care of all the technicalities," he said, dropping the search warrant and arrest warrants on the huge oak desk. "...and forget about it, Bouchard. Drop your weapon. You're outnumbered, and your hired help outside is no good to you now."  
  
"You again!" Bouchard shrieked, but he put the gun down. He knew he'd been beaten.  
  
"You remembered? I'm touched," Lee said, in mock humor. "So...it looks like we came to the party right on time, gentlemen...hmmm, what's this? Looks an awful lot like the plans for a Tomahawk missile...and I see our Monsieur Pascal was well paid. I'm surprised, Bouchard, didn't you realize no one pays in cash anymore? I guess your little 'forced vacation' left you out of the loop on this new business of electronic cash transfers. Too bad." Then Lee turned to Frank and said, "Okay, Duffy, read 'em their rights," as he placed a pair of handcuffs on Pascal's wrists.  
  
Lee left it to Frank Duffy and Fred Fielder to take both men back to the Agency holding cells. Amanda stood facing him, leaning her back into the 'Vette. "All wrapped up?" she asked.  
  
"Mm-hmm, and without a shot being fired, for a change," he answered. "Speaking of which, I notice you actually stayed in the car this time..."  
  
Amanda smiled and started to say, "Well..I thought to myself, if he's not out of there in five more minutes..."  
  
"Aha! I knew it was too good to be true!" he laughed. "Hey, it's only 11:30, what do you say we head over to Nedlinger's for lunch?"  
  
"Okay, that'll be fine," Amanda said with a sweet smile.  
  
Nedlingers was just starting to get busy, when Lee and Amanda arrived, nearly bumping into Francine Desmond. "Well hello, you two! Busy day? A little distracted, are we?" Francine greeted them, in her own inimitable way.  
  
"Hi, Francine," Lee said. "Yes, it has been a busy day, and Bouchard and Pascal are both in custody. How'd you do at the antique shop?"  
  
"Well, there's no reason to suspect Jorgensen. He just received the shipment through one of his regular suppliers, with a note that there was already an order for that one special music box," Francine answered. "I talked with Jacobsen, too, and he picked up Robertson and a nice little package filled with diamonds."  
  
"Good," Lee said, "See you later," as Francine left to go back to the Agency.  
  
He held out is hand to Amanda, and they took their seats in one of the booths near the back of the restaurant. After they placed their orders, Lee looked directly into her sparkling brown eyes and said, "Well! We've covered a lot of ground in the last two days, haven't we?"  
  
As Lee held her hand, gently rubbing his thumb across her fingertips, Amanda smiled, looked down at their joined hands, then looked into his eyes and said, "Yes, we most certainly have. Lee, do you remember when Joe came home from Estoccia, and I told him I didn't want to go back?"  
  
Lee finished the thought, "You wanted to go forward."  
  
"Right," she said, giving his hand a gentle squeeze, "and now, even through all the pain of the last couple of days, I don't know, maybe even because of it...I really believe we can."  
  
Yes. Lee Stetson loved her. And she knew it, for sure.  
  
THE END 


End file.
